Mac and Me: The Definitive Review

Every other week I dutifully head over to my favorite pop culture website, called the AV Club for a special treat. A contributor there has created a long running series of features called "My Year of Flops" which reviews and dissects the failure of a long series of movies which failed at ever getting real commercial or critical success. The movies at times are total garbage, some have redeeming value and occasionally a rare gem simply made before its time. The best though, are the movies that fall into the so bad it's good category, which encompasses movies made with the utmost sincerity which miss the mark completely. (Look here for a taste: http://www.avclub.com/articles/ronald-mcdonald-approved-case-file-151-mac-and-me,36033/)

Inspired by this particular review, I decided that simply seeing a few brief clips was not enough, and that I needed to witness the film in it's entirety with the help of a few friends and some choice film enhancing beverages.

Having braced ourselves thoroughly for the experience prior to the start of the movie, I must admit my recollection of the plot is a bit hazy. It comes back to me in waves like a bad dream. I will do my best. The film opens with a family of aliens who look like the offspring of ET and a flesh light being sucked into a NASA ship. One of these aliens is deposited near the home of a wheelchair bound boy. While rolling around by a quarry one day with his neighbor and love interest the boy experience catastrophic brake failure and is catapulted quite comically into the quarry. Mercifully he is rescued by the Alien.

It is at this point that things got fuzzy enough for me not to be able to provide a solid time line or narrative. I just know that the following things occur:

-Mac, the alien falls in love with Coke

-A ten minute dance scene takes place at a McDonalds which throws the FBI off the scent of Mac

-Mac's family is found in a cave dead, but is immediately brought back to life by drinking Coke

-Mac's family is persecuted and shot at while trying to obtain more coke

-The family becomes US citizens

-The movie concludes with the Aliens driving into the distance in a pink Cadillac convertible with thought bubble appearing that says "We'll be back".

Is this movie worth seeing?: Yes. It is so shameless, so bad and so surreal that it cannot be passed up.

Special thanks to my tolerant friends, girlfriend and roommates who went on this epic journey with me.

A War for Hearts and Minds

After 2 months of hibernation old Grandma winter has reared her giant eagle head, raised her mighty bear paw and summoned the forces of blustery snow down upon new england. Then with a quick shake of her icicle tale she made parking in Boston a pain the ass! It snowed 6 inches here this weekend, and from the chaos and the closure, you would think it had snowed 50". Meg and I had originally been planning on making a run to New York this week... 'cept they got 2 feet of snow and it kind of threw a monkey wrench in things.

Instead we camped out on the couch for the whole weekend watching the snow fall and attacking a bottle of Jameson with no remorse or reason.

This post was created for two reasons: I wanted to draw a creature and I wanted to spite the spirit of Bekky's facebook whining.

Annie and late 70's Rick James have remarkably similar haircuts

It's been a quiet week in lake Woebegone, my home town. I went home for Thanksgiving on Wednesday afternoon with Meg and her dear wife/friend Annie Piche in tow. We managed to avoid traffic and make it home in time to go out and catch up for some high school homie's for a bit.

A highlight of Wednesday night came when Matt C and Matt McC got caught talking to my dad for an hour. I definitely see him a different light around different people. The father son facade drops very quickly and he reveals himself both to be an accomplished gray fox, and a cantankerous old fart. He really relishes dropping f-bombs, drinking wine and giving well worn advice. Cars, women, engineering, politics... the man just wades through each topic either with cranky hatred or enlightened insight.

What a guy.

Thursday the cousins Meg and Annie headed out on the Causeway for our annual pre-dinner walk. The causeway is a strip of marble that used to be a railroad trestle that runs 3 miles out into lake Champlain.

My cousin Toby is a booze salesmen, so upon returning from the causeway the good times rolled. He had taken the wise precaution of brining a crate of various elixirs, with truly something for everyone. Dinner was amazing, and by the dessert was finished everyone present was astonishingly full, and well glazed by Toby's wears.

The evening concluded with a whiskey fueled Wii tournement.

Friday morning we left semi early from VT back to Boston to catch a wedding. Out early start was destroyed though by a party forgetting their coat and realizing it 30 miles from Burlington. To make matters more dramatic I had to do some ad hoc car word to keep sweet Bessy road legal.

Somehow we managed to get through 300 miles , showered and dressed in just under 5 hours. We literally made it to the church 5 minutes before the bride came down the aisle. Good thing too, since it was a 9 minute wedding.

The wedding was pleasant and drama free. I met Meg's ex, and despite my initial trepidation I have to say the kid is pretty hilarious and easy to be around.

As a final note of sweetness, my Dutch boss bought me a half pound chocolate "S" from the Netherlands. It is the tradition that Dutch children get their first initial in chocolate, brought to them by Saint Nikoli who travels through the street on a cart, wearing a pope hat and accompanied by black midget man servants. It was a touch gesture and a peak into the complicated world of Dutch tradition.

Any way, that's the week Lake Woebegone, where all the women are strong, the men are good looking, and all the children are above average.

P.S. - Annie really does have the exact same hair as Rick James when he went through the androgynous he/she phase of the late 70's.

Hibernation Nation

After weekends of visitors, late nights and rock climbing, I decided to make this a weekend of zero ambition. Part of this decision was dictated by the fact that I am on strong antibiotics which mak any movement result in audible flatulence.

I had a pretty late night Friday going out stag while Meg recovered from her work week in deep slumber. I have not been out with Bentley kids in a bit and it was a change of pass. Saturday night we both skipped going out, manged to still sleep in until almost 2.

We are starting to plan on the next round of travel, but the cost of anything is still pretty prohibitive to me. I am getting close to being out of credit card debt, but my student loans have conveniently come due in time to slow down the process. For good measure my car is now sitting at 169,379 miles which by my calculations means it could explode at more or less any moment. The plan for now is to replace Bessy with another Honda or Acura for under $7K. I had dreams of BMWs but that might have to wait a few more years.

Back to travel... we are shooting to go to Vietnam/Thailand in about a year. In the mean time we are trying to get to Tahoe or Jackson.

Ou est le neige?

Corporate Corpulance

Today was my presentation to sell myself to the IS community as worthy of another position. I've spent the last week sweating bullets about it, and stuck in a level of denial that felt very much like pre-finals procrastination.

I'm not sure what it is that still makes me so nervous about presenting, but whatever it is, it grabs into my back with some pretty deep claws.

The presentation did not quite go according to plan, and some of the people I was both most afraid of and most eager to impress were AWOL. In standard Bill Gates form my video demo melted down 7 minutes before I had to present, so I was scrambling to get things fixed up to the last minute. Subsequently the lights, projector screen, MS NetMeeting and the room thermometer all malfunctioned and getting things working took a serious McGyver effort by most of the parties in attendance.

When the smoke settled though, I had managed to get my accomplishments across to the people that mattered, and got a positive response. One of the projects I have been working on since July even got enough attention to be hijacked as a new Global standard.

Hard work, success and recognition in the office do not always come as a package, but I have to chalk today up as a win. I am feeling good about getting the position I want for January and that is really all I can ask for at the end of the day.

Rotatation Time!

Well, it's been almost four months since I joined the BSC IS rotational program, and the time is coming to rotate.

The idea of the program is that after four six month rotations in different sections of the Information Systems organization, the participants come out rock stars who know everyone and everything that can be crammed into two years. From this knowledge they (I) are meant to be able to make a good decision about what they want to do for the company, and have the skill set to do it well.

Pretty peachy.

The hard part comes with making the transition between jobs. It is a little like how I imagine rushing a frat to be. I need to chose the three positions I want the most, and pray that the managers of those open positions will also choose me. Not extremely stressful, but I am going to miss my home in International IS, and my office with a basketball hoop.

In other fun news, I went to Neko Case at the Wilbur with Meglet last night. She was a bit toasted when she got on stage (very late). The first words out of her mouth were that she was pissed at the promoter and having a hard time feeling like herself. We were ready to write the night off as a loss, and assumed that the show would be shit.

Oh contraire!

By the third song, she was getting into it, and started to look like she was having fun. An hour and a half later she was rapping up an amazing set. She had truly soft rocked us all.

Opportunity Abuse

There are aspects of corporate speak which I have learned to live with, and some that I even enjoy using in civilian conversation to mess with people a little. For instance, throwing in “leverage” from time to time confuses some and makes those who are in on the joke chuckle. As in: “I think we should leverage our fridge full of Magic Hats before we go to the bar to make our evening cheaper and more enjoyable.” See what I did there? It’s awkward, and nerdy, but it’s usable. I can and have said that and it makes sense, despite being cumbersome. There is one phrase that does more than bother me. It upsets me. In the quest to eliminate negative language from the work place lexicon the words issue, problem, failure and inexperience have been replaced by the word “opportunity.” This does not make sense, and the proof is in the fact that it is absolutely unusable in conversation outside of the office. Ask me to use synergy in a conversation and I will. “I think if we had both our birthdays on the same night there could be some real synergy.” Sure it’s retarded but it still means SOMETHING. It does not work that way with opportunity. Some things are just bad. If I crashed my car, I would not call it a “car opportunity”, if I lock myself out of the house it is not a “break in opportunity” and if a 16 year old gets pregnant, it is not a “shot gun wedding opportunity”. No. These are fucking problems. As is showing up for work or being bad at your job or having a system crash. When these things happen, there is the choice to FIX them, but that is not the same.

I am asking; please join me in killing this trend in meaningless positivity, or else soon nothing will mean anything.

My Memory of the Fall

Twenty years ago this week something changed. After 70 years as a monolithic empire, the world finally saw cracks show through in the USSR. Long pent up frustration with the grey repression of life behind the Iron Curtain culminated in protest which overwhelmed the East German police. The government of East Germany called on Moscow for support, but they had been forgotten and no help ever came.

As the wall came down my parents took me to a Christian freedom conference of some kind. I don't remember much, but it was truly a post hippy affair for families that had given up on counter culture and found Christ. There were a lot of children my age (4) there, and between watching the Land Before Time we were corralled into a room full of large card board blocks. We were instructed to build a wall, and build we did. When a 10 foot long wall was built up past our low eye level the parents were brought into the room and sat. We then were instructed to ceremonially destroy the wall which we did with great enthusiasm.

Sometimes Weekends Last a Week

My weekend started last Tuesday with a run to the bar with Kroot, Raynor and a number of other affiliated fun Bentley kids. Needless to say before we knew it, closing time had arrived at one of the Irish pubs down the street and we were there with pitchers.

Thursday we were back at it playing bags over on Malbert St.

Friday I worked until 7 and drove to Raynor's place on lake Winnapasake (sp?) and had a few beer. We were up the next morning at 6:30 to get onto the Saco river in Maine, and by 10 AM everyone was feeling pretty good, except for Kroot who finished a 64oz. Madres that I allegedly made for him with a liter of Stoli.

In fact Kroot was in bad enough shape that he fell asleep by 1PM on a dragon raft towed behind the canoes. Raynor and I cut the two lines holding him on and watch him float down the river and get stuck against the bank. When we went to retrieve him he was starting to wake up as a result of being covered in mosquitoes and adventurous slug.

Other highlights included 4 rope swings, a bonfire and s'mores. We also successfully established that you can do a keg stand in canoes if you tie three together.

I got home Sunday just in time to find the living room set up and the new TV in place. It felt like Christmas. McCreary had arrived earlier that day and done all the grunt work with his dad. By 8 Ryan and Matt had come too, and after a bit we headed off for another night of closing down the bars.

Monday was a beach day in Gloucester. My proudest moment involved chasing a seagull who had taken a back of chips 800 feet down the beach and successfully retrieving them.

Tuesday I worked from home and headed to Fenway to see the O's get crushed. Matt C was crying in his beer by the end, and even the Sox fans that had been giving him shit were started feeling pretty bad for him.

Tonight I'm off to an SSC reunion at Kalah's house to catch up and watch this years ski movies.

I feel great, I'm just having a hard time staying awake at my desk.

M3 Fast, Prius Green: More Good News from BMW

Sad about Polar bears drowning? Full of venom because your girlfriend cheated on you? Worried about a dismal future where those fortunate enough to drive will own dung powered Tata Nanos?

Here's something to raise your spirits (a bit) -- BMW has rolled out a concept this week which primarily runs on battery and has the assistance of a small diesel engine. Not feeling any better yet? It has the 0-60 time of the current v8 M3, it maxes out at 155MPH, it can run 30 miles on battery alone, and when the juice is gone return 60-75MPG.

The bad news is that it's still a concept, it's made of a carbon-unicorn future fiber and it looks like a prop car from the seizure inducing speed racer.

The Triumphant Return of the Least Exciting Car in the World

After a long hiatus from Production, in 2008 Ford's turnaround expert CEO, Alan Mulally, decided to bring back the Ford Taurus. Rather than create something scratch however, they simply re badged the slow selling Ford 500. Sales remained lackluster and a second 500 based Taurus was made. For 2010, Ford is now trying a 3rd variant to recapture market share, and for something wearing the Taurus badge it looks pretty damn good.

For me, the Taurus name conjures images of getting driven to soccer practice and sitting in plush back seats coated in Cheerios and cheese curl dust. Surprisingly at the time however, the car was recognized as Ford's great hope, and a legitimate head to head competitor with BMW's 5 series. For most Taurus buyers however, what it really represented was an American made option to buy instead of the Accord, Camry or Volvo 240. A car that showed America could build something reliable, comfortable and easy on the wallet.

Now the new Taurus... Less a BMW competitor than a chrome covered Luxo-barge the 2010 Taurus is about as subtle as a rapper's Escalade. Tech options reserved usually for Mercedes, Audi and Lexus are on tape, as are AWD and Ford's new 365HP dual turbocharged EcoBoost engine. For Christ's sake the thing now comes with paddle shifters, once a hallmark feature found only on Masers and Ferrari's.

It is all a bit unsettling to me, but I am glad to see Ford trying something out of the box thinking and applying it to something people might but.

My true hope though is that Volvo will launch a counter attack and make a tarted up version of the so-boxy-it's-cool 240 wagon.

Caitlin of a broken home.

This weekend came to town for a bday camping trip that was rained out. Instead we spent our time catching up, making food and wasting time.

I was afraid it would be a little weird to navigate the waters of keeping mutual friends and for Caitlin's part she seems to be handling things as well as she could be expected to. Making things that much more tense, I knew that Meg was picking her up on Sunday so they could spend time together.

When Caitlin showed up, I wanted to be able to feed her vegan friendly food, so I made a run to the grocery store to get as many veggies as I could fit in the fridges crisper. I got home and started whipping up a salad, of course I had forgotten lettuce, which I did not realize until she was at the door. (Strike 1) In addition to raining out camping, the hurricane also made my 3rd roommate postpone moving in. He is the one with all of the furniture. The result? Another weekend without furniture, and no real legitimate place for Caitlin to sleep. (Strike 2) Finally, and there is the awkward issue of Meg coming up in conversation. After three years together and 5 years as friends it's strange to have her excluded from conversation. The result was an elephant in the room that kept me more than a little on edge. (Strike 3)

I am to a small degree living every divorce cliche from the Wire to Liar, Liar. Short of being unable to assemble an Ikea bunk bed set or missing soccer practice I think I fit the role quite well.

Today was also the ceremonial exchanging of left behind goods. I got some T-Shirts and a book back, she got "Franz Ferdinand: Tonight" out of my CD player where it has lived since May. Seeing her for a second in my foyer was like a punch in the stomach. It is the only time I have ever missed someone completely and wanted them gone so badly at the same time.

In some ways I may be be doing better, but everything I do still has a giant, neon "WTF!?" hanging over it that leaves me wondering where things went so wrong and how they can ever get better.

Redacted

After 8 years of not really knowing fact from fiction when it came to CIA and military conduct, several things have come to light in the last weeks that show just how totally fucked things were in the prime years of the now renamed GWOT (these days it's the Overseas Contingency Operation).

The first story which broke two weeks ago, and which continues to evolve is regarding Blackwater USA (now Xe), which for the uninitiated is the private army hired by the Pentagon to protect diplomats in Iraq, as well as other security operations. These are no rent a cops though -- comprised largely of ex-military, led by ex-special forces and commanding it's own air force and APC's Blackwater is in all right a full fledged army. If you'll recall they have had a very bad record of killing Iraqi civillians, and as it has now emerged during depositions, the former CEO may have actually demanded this behavior. According to former employees, the CEO and founder Erik Prince, believed he was part of a holy war against Muslims and allegedly went so far as to kill individuals in the US who opposed his doctrine.

While the track record of Blackwater as a protection agency is almost unblemished, the idea of such an idealogically motivated force operating in this, and other sovreign nations terrifies me.

The other story which continues to break this week regards the torture during the Bush years at so called "Black Sites" conducted by the CIA. A highly redacted report released by the Attorney Generals office confirms that the methods used went far beyond water boarding. High lights of detainee abuse include:

-Threats with power tools
-Threat of rape
-Threat of murdering and raping families
-Mock executions of other detainees
-Beatings
-Constriction of blood flow resulting in loss of consciouness

While these things are in themselves extreme, much of the document is not yet available and appears to be secret to prevent public and international back lash.

As the final icing on the cake, Dick Cheney who as recently as last month was asking that interrogation documents be released specifically to show that extreme measures were effective has been proven wrong. The documents he was referring to have been released, and rather than showing Jack Bauer like success resulting from torture, they show that conventional methods were in fact more effective.

It might not be until a long time from now that we know most of what happened during the Bush years, but knowing this much makes me glad that the neoCons are out of office.

Prius Killer from BMW? Yes, Please: Udated

In a wild and far off place called Europe, most of the vehicles are run off a magical potion called diesel. While the diesel of yore was smelly, worked poorly in cold climates and mostly used on large trucks, the people of Euroland have remedied this over the last 30 years, to create refined products some of which get over 100MPG with careful driving. In fact, almost every car in Europe is available as a diesel version which get 30% or better fuel mileage and come with the small downside of slightly less HP, but the huge upside of loads more torque.

And now the icing on the cake... BMW which started exporting the 335d (diesel version) to the US last year has come out with a smaller engined 320d capable of (drum roll)69+MPG. Even with normal driving, this means that the BMW is getting mileage significantly better than the 45-55MPG attained by a Prius or the new Honda Insight.

Not that I have anything against the Insight or the Prius, but if MPG was my motivator, and I had a little extra money I'd take the BMW. In Black.

As of Aug-26-2009 BMW has announced that the 320d is not for American tastes. I beg to differ.

A Birthday Eve Ramble on the Nature of Maturity

Last night I had dinner/beverages and Hookah with a friend that I have known since she was a freshman. As a freshman she was like some kind of feral drunken freshman animal. Sober she made little sense and seemed prone to tantrums. When exposed to alcohol she was all screams and insanity.

While I have seen her mature over the last 3 years, seeing her now, as someone with interesting things to say, a career and a remarkable new sense of self respect, I was stunned. I guess looking back to my freshman year, I was not much (or any) better. It still blew me away though.

What it really made me wonder though, is how will I look back on me in 3 years? With envy? Embarrassment? Pride? Shame? The fact of the matter is that who I am in 3 years will be nothing more than the sum of what I do with regularity in the mean time. Short of being an astronaut, in theory pretty much every option is on the table.

Too bad it's harder to dream at 24 than it was at 18.

The Wild and Wooly Working World

Today marks one month on the dot as a full time employee of BSC, and right on cue at 11 this morning I got a call from a headhunter from a consulting firm asking what they could do to get me to leave. And it made me think, I am happy here. Pay aside, every day that I come into work I am challenged and I learn something. The people I work with are rational and professional, as well as being friendly. I get to the gym every day, and so far, I have not gotten assigned anything I would just call busy work. It's a pretty damn good feeling.

Last night was a bar night with Kroot and we went for some food and some darts at Brighton Beer Garden and then to Castle Bar. I was trying to get a hold of Kalah and she untypically did not call back. Turns out she put down her scooter coming back from work, in a skirt none the less. She seems like she is OK except for some lesions and contusions. That girl is a pint sized Canadian bad ass.

Kettlebell

Inspired by Jade's dedication to fitness (he is now thinking of opening his own gym after graduation) I went and got a kettlebell. If you have never seen it, it looks like a tea kettle and is made of iron. After about 15 minutes with it today my arms felt they way that they usually do after a 45 minute doing a weight circuit at the gym.

In other news, XKCD continues to make me extremely happy.

Up North

Spening time in vermont for a few days haspretty much been the shit. Friday I was in nh for a coworker's birthday, then saturday I went further north to burlington and was out on the boat within an hour of getting there. had an all nighter in town and saw a ton of friendly faces.

it is incredible how much seeing old friends, the lake, the stars and the sun rise have all brought me to a better place.

Wild Prognostication 1.

Cash for Clunkers and the Next Election.

Cash for Clunkers will replace about 1% of cars. By the next election gas will be $4 a gallon again. Here's the kicker. As people are making the choice of who they elect in three years, for the first time in American Politics, gas prices are going to have much less of an impact on the people they used to matter to most.

Will this win the election for Obama's second term? Maybe not. But if you think that the last 4 elections have been won or lost by less than 5%. If <1% of American voters got a new car from Obama and the evil demo congress, than maybe (Just fucking maybe) there will be less pouting about drilling in Alaska and more willingness to acknowledge that this somewhat stupid program has actually moved us away from our "oil addiction".

Additionally, this week saw the first gas powered, production ready car EVER get a preliminary EPA rating of 230/100 MPG, and it's being made in America.

The change we were promised is coming and in a sustainable way.

The Perks

On one hand I feel alone, and I will probably never find anyone ever again with the same appreciation I have for the world smallest dear.

On the other had:

My Netflix account has been emancipated from the tyranny of joint custody.

Hygiene standards after 7 on weeknights are lower.

I can enjoy stupid comedies without guilt or ridicule.

I can revel in my enjoyment of cars.

A bottle of kettle lasts me longer (sort of).

Hmm...

maybe other things.

Low.

After almost three years things are over with Meg. On the plus side, I do feel somewhat cut free. On the down side I have quickly realized that I am a 23 year old child. So far the road to recovery needs to involves spending more time with friends and (in this order) buying a breakfast sandwich, a suit and a pickup truck.

I'm halfway to a country song.

Pictures

Trip

It's good Picture Monkey!

In India, you can tell exactly how much someone or something is valued by how much space it is allowed to take up by what surrounds it. While this may be true everywhere, there is no place I have ever seen it manifester so clearly as Mumbai and Delhi. The wealthy cruise in SUV and live in luxury apartments, the middle class sits crammed in endless piled traffic jams in small cars and rickshaws and the poor squeeze their way through cracks living among goats and dogs and sleeping along sidewalks and sewers. Cows of course get to do whatever the fuck they want- this includes taking naps in the middle of an eight lane highway.

The skyline of Mumbai is everything you would expect from a major city. From a distance it is as impressive as New York and London from a distance, with skyscrapers stretching in every direction. On the ground, things are different though. In every space between skyscrapers are slums where 70% of Mumbai lives. The air is a soup that leaves everyone coughing, and the crowding is unexplainable.

Our time here has brought a lot of mixed emotions. From what we have seen it is an amazing country. The people are generally friendly but there is also a rudeness and pushiness that I think comes with surviving in a country of a billion. Everywhere we go people beg and demand money. From the way people gawk and talk about Meg and I, we have gotten the impression that people think she is my captured Asian concubine. While at the Taj a group of boys literally stopped about 5 ft away from us to take pictures of us.

I have not had a chance to type in a few days and I think I am getting a little ahead of myself. For the quick run down, we've been to Mumbai, Delhi, Agra and yesterday we arrived in Goa. The monsoon has been on and off. Delhi saw no rain, but the day after we left Mumbai it flooded, which was visible from the air on our flight to Goa. We went and saw the Taj Mahal and the various other obligatory forts and ruins, but the heat was pretty brutal- 100-108 degrees. We've done some shopping, and managed only to get marginally screwed over in haggling.

I think we're both pretty worn out from being on the road. It is raining hard on and off in Goa, but the hotel we got is quiet nice and Goa is pretty free of the crowds and traffic that were exhausting.

As for the title of the post, Meg took a picture of a man with a monkey who then charged the car like a rhino demanding money and extolling the photogenic virtues of his sad dingy monkey.

s

*meg-added random observations
As much as we love Indian food, I'm not sure that we could eat it every day...it all starts to kind of taste the same after awhile. The tandoor is only open for certain eating hours, so our hunt for naan was usually in vain. Stephan also suffered from severe food poisioning, so we kicked it in the hotel for a day- we think the culprit was the Paneer (chunks of cottage cheese) in his curry.

Also the sign of male friendship here is expressed by publicly holding hands or putting one's arm around the other's shoulder...it's pretty adorable actually.

Another amazing observation is the amount of people they can fit onto one rickshaw or one scooter. A rickshaw is about the size of a go-cart, but we have seen up to 12 people in/hanging from it. We also saw a family of five on one scooter on the highway- the father held one baby in the front, with his toddler behind him, wedged between the mother, who was holding the second baby. Although this doesn't exactly seem safe, traffic usually only goes about 30 mph max and its likely you'll be in grid lock traffic half the time. People also use their horns A LOT to let you know if they're within a 100 ft of you, so during most of our taxi rides the driver usually honked well over 100 times.

It's pretty normal to see a starved-looking boy that weighs about 80 pounds carrying 6- 8 potato sacks full of "whatever" ontop of his back and head.

The tv commercials here are..interesting. The i-pill is their emergency contraceptive pill which they have been heavily advertising (gee i wonder why...there might be a bit of a struggle with population control perhaps?) with a b&w commercial of a girl who says its better than getting an abortion and being disowned by your family. The other one is for a product called the Sauna Belt, a belt you wear around fatty areas that literally seems to boil off your fat...Stephan thinks it was banned in the US at one point. And there are endless commercials for skin lightening creams, as being fair is desirable here...maybe MJ had it right.

honk ok please

after a never ending travel day we have safely arrived at a hotel in the scenic metal smelting district of mumbai. it is 95 and raining outside. for now we are holed up recovering and watching mindless movies.

we wanted to reach outside our comfortzone a little and we are there. the people are friendly and the food is good, but the pollution is choking, the streets are packed and have running sewage and the airport was surrounded by dogs and soldiers with kalishnakovs.

oh... and there is an endless flow of elaborate dance and catchy songs on evey channel. from condoms to cars every ad tv show and psa seems to involve half the country dancing in fields or on trains.

lasty, we have noticed huge sweeping creatures overhead. at first we though they were ravens but they are bats with 40 inch wing spans searching for dogs to eat.

Final Thoughts on Europe

Today is the end of our Euro tour as we make our ways on planes, trains and ferries to Mumbai. It has been recommended that some concluding thoughts be recorded:

On transport: Yes you can get everywhere by train! trains here are cheap comfortable, and in some places you can even sneak a smoke between cars. Why don't we have trains that go 200mph! Also -- If everyone has a small car no one has to worry so much about dying of SUV encounter. Scooters and super minis dominate, they get 70 MPG easy, their fun and with rare exceptions they are all you need.

On Youth: This is a place that acknowledges that you are not obligated to grow up at 22. Youth Hostels, and other discounts on everything from museums to transport dominate until the age of 25.

On the Euro: There are a lot of losers and not a lot of winners. Nothing is as cheap as a it used to be for anyone.

On Getting Through Europe on the cheap:

Get the Eurail pass, but know that you will have to pay 10-30 euro for ticket reservation

Be careful about getting hostels -- cheap hostels may mean more transport cost where as paying more can get you a kitchen and save you big time on tasty meals.

Renting a car can be much cheaper than a cab. Check the rates, you might be able to get a whip for 30 euro a day with insurance, where cabs can easily get above 75 euro an hour.

Buying groceries may or may not save you money. In some places ponying up for a basic meal at a cafe may be a lot cheaper than eating groceries.

More thoughts may emerge.

It's been awesome.

**Should you find yourself in sun-baked areas such as Italy and Greece, wear at least SPF 50+...even so, Stephan still became a fine shade of lobster red after reapplying multiple times. Also, when in Greece avoid Retsina Wine, very cheap but tastes exactly like Pine Sol, as it is made with Pine resin.

death of an icon\ pedo

word has spread rapidly of the death of a certain mj and his nusic has been inescapable. bbc world service has pushed aside bombings and sad ploar bears for coverage of prayer vigils in every corner of theworld. commemorative plate makers are undoubtedly firing up their kils for the greatest industry wind fall since lady di or dale earnhardt.

we are taking in our last days in europe in a small town hookah bar over looking the beach and obligatory ruins.

tomorrow is the start of a 45 hour travel day starting on crete and ending in mumbai. were both pretty wiped from endless sun, poor nutrition and 4-6 miles a day of walking. meg has asked me to clarify that poor nutrition means too many gyros and cheap wine as opposed to starvation.

as piddidle has gotten old we have invented a new game called sbbg... or small boy big girl. the object being to spot couples where the women is at least twice the weight of her male companion. lastly we have uncovered a close relative of the street panty in greece, thebeach panty.

don't worry about photo documenaion. between us there are 500 picturs so far of which 3 have both of us.

not sure what india will offer for internet but at least we know tech support will be well covered

Island Life

Today is our third day on Crete and it has been amazing. Every it's been sunny with a light breeze, the food is cheap and the beach is beautiful. As frosting on the cake, the place Meg found to stay is a "guest house", which despite being hostel priced was in fact a suite with balcony and kitchen.

Yesterday we headed down to the tourist stip with the plan of renting scooters but were rejected for not having adequete licensces etc... ready to give up we tried the place next door which did not have scooters, but for the same price handed us the keys to a small korean car. All they had was sticks and when I explained that I did not have a license with me and Meg only could drive autos the kindly old man at the rental counter simply shrugged, handed me the keys and said "Why not?"

We covered about a quarter of the island stopping in small towns for beach breaks and croissants. Having gotten a little lost having and having a tourist map with only main roads we were soon faced with a road that was more like a goat path and which lead over mountains. Echoing the advice of the kindly old rental man, we said "why not" and got our happy little Kia over the mountain and back to the beach.

I'm on a boat...

and it's going fast and I got a nautical themed pashmina afghann...

w e are on the ferry for athen to crete where further transport will bring us our hotel.

greece is much like italy but a little more locked in the past. the writing is indecipherable, communists are populars (or at least have the biggest poster budget)and the motor pool is testament to 70s toyota reliability. further more crime is rampent and police squads march through neighborhoods in groups no smaller than 6 with riot gear and billy clubs out.

another observation is the cats. as we go south the herds of steet cats have gotten gotten larger and more visible. upon arrival in crete we are expecting the weaker pasengers to be liquadated for kibble.

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time traveller

we just stepped off an overnight ferry from italy to greece in what is shaping up to be a 36 hour travel day. our seats which turned out to be one class above sitting outside were still in a hot sticky room. fortunately we had come equipped with a bottle limoncello which we poured into sprite cans and brought to the bow to watch the sea.

when bedtime came we built a fort out of our backpack and two massage chairs and slept on the soft carpet of the lounge.

A Driver with a distaste for humanity

Today we dragged our selves out of bed early to catch a ferry. Although the hostel in Naples is amazing in most respects, it has been about 90 degrees here at night, and the neighbors seem to be on a constant 24 hour routine of partying, fighting and fucking. Sleep has been tricky to come by. Our destination today was Procida, an island 60 miles off the coast which has tried hard to keep itself locked in time. There are not many cars and repairs seem to be conducted on houses and infrastructure about every 25 years.

It has beautiful beaches where we spent most of the day, it is also somewhat of a photogs paradise. There is an endless parade of wooden gates, lizards, wild flowers, wrought iron, classic cars and wayward kitties vying for attention. My camera suffered an accident in May that makes it so I cant see pictures before I put them on a computer, but I am hoping there are some good ones.

Worth mentioning - the drivers here are absolutely insane. This morning our bus driver stumbled onto the bus cigarettes in mouth, and before leaving the station managed to hit a 13 year old girl as lightly as a bus can, and force a BMW M5 onto the sidewalk. There is a general sense that motorists are playing reverse Frogger and anything not on wheels is actively targeted. Aditionally, there seems to be some kind of Italian math in play where there must be a minumum of two passengers per wheel. At every intersection there are families of four perched on Vespas, while Smart sit packed with passengers extended out the windows.

We are off to Greece tomorrow morning in what is shaping up to be a 40 hour travel day. We bought the cheapest ferry tickets which may have been a mistake... we were advised to make sure to sit in front of the smoke stack or end up covered in soot. I hope the ferry has a bar.

Piddidle

Travelling with one other person carries the threat of some monotony. Meg and I have set some boundaries and some reading time aside to avoid fatigue. So far I have gotten through a Huxley book on 15th century posessions and the catholic church which I set aside and a book called Small Wars Permitting about being a correspondent in places full of upheavel. I recommend both, more so the latter.

The other thing we have done is kept a running games of piddidle. If you are not familier this is the game usually played by 15 year olds with a friend who can drive. When said teenagers see a car with one headlight out, they yell piddidle and are allowed to extract some penalty (usually a punch) from another player. We have adopted this game in a special European edition in which, rather than dead headlights, the game is played upon spotting the morbidly obeses.

Green Peace seems willing to give me my money back, which had turned from a $20 donation into random withdrawels from my back account totalling $80 in the the last 3 weeks.

We were off to Pompei today which was pretty interesting, but extremely overwhelming in its size. We wandared off the beated path after having our fill of mosaics and charred remains and found a nature trail that ran around the outside of the city wall.

Robbed by Greenpeace

[Update April 26th, 2011]


I noticed recently that there are people, some who I don't know, who read this blog. To set the records straight - I contacted Greenpeace who clarified  that I had signed up for a recurring gift. After explaining that I had misunderstood what I had signed up for, they worked to come to a support level that fit my budget. I have now been giving to Greenpeace for over 3 years and have not had anything but positive interaction since the initial misunderstanding. 


I never clubbed a baby seal.

We are in an awesome hostel in Naples close to transport Pompei and the beach. Another perks is steady internet access.

Needless to say finances have been a concern on the trip, so I was pretty upset this morning when I found out that based on a donation I had given last month, Greenpeace has been syphoning money from my bank account. I wrote them a nasty email but who know what that will achieve.

I am so angry right now. I am spilling the first oil tanker I come across into a nest of baby seals.

François the gay cannon

Today is our second day in rome and the weather has been amazing (so of course I am sunburnt). We spent all of yesterday walking through the city through various ruins with the MO that we were going to old stuff. There are literally ancient structures in various states of disrepair on every street, our favourite being a fort which had been turned into a very secure parking garage.

The train ride in was long, but we shared our compartment with a couple from Switzerland and a couple from Brazil. Cross cultural hilarity ensued. As much as there is some resentment about Americans not speaking other languages, there was a grudging acceptance that its nice that there is a common language. It is really funny to hear people who are close to fluent create there own expressions as in "Bump Hour" for Rush Hour.

After several hours of walking we ducked into a free museum that has AC. The museum certainly shed some light on why Italians of late have not been famed for their military tenacity. This was most exhibited by a cannon which had giant brass laurels over it at the end of the barrel and and the other end what I believe was a music stand. This fashion over function approach can be seen in the federal police that circle the streets. They drive Alfa Romeo 159 which look like the offspring of a Bentley and the batmobile, but which seem hard pressed to get anywhere in a hurry. It goes without saying that the police all wear suits and strangely shaped sunglasses.

Last night we ate at the hostel, which provided free pasta. An archealogist abnd true Indiana Jones wannabe gave us a bottle of wine and pontificated on the many job opportunities for a Mezza focused Archealogist with a specialty in Ceremics. Slightly toasted after dinner we manged to walk half way across the city in search of a bar with kid from Chicago also staying at our hostel. An international incident almost errupted when I was told that I had finished the last of the Jack Daniels on the Premises.

Today we are doing laundry for the first time (not in a sink with shampoo) and then off to the catacombs. If there is time we are going to cruise to Catholic Disneyland.

There has been one street panty sighting, in of all places a car tunnel.

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night train

two days ago we left the glamour and hedonism of amsterdam for zurich on a night train. despite our 3rd class accomadation the night train was still very comfortable with a small bunk and reading light for each passenger.

going from amsterdam to zurich was truly a culture shock. zurich has the same statuesque people, the same canals and the same bike lanes as amsterdam but that is where the similarities end. being in zurich is like being inside a giant bankers paradise. people are efficient and courteous but not friendly. the streets are lined with atms to fill ypur wallet and boutiques to empty them. a chicken sandwhich at mcdonalds is 13 usd.

the big draw of zurich is a lake filled by the ice melt from the mountains above it. it is clear and green and cold. along the shore people sprawl in the grass as flocks of various water birds lightly harrass the for snacks.

tonight we are off to rome on another night train.

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the bike ride

today when we woke up the sun was shining and it had warmed up for the first time on the trip. after breakfast we rented a pair of heavy red bikes and took off.

the bikes popular with commuters in amsterdam are large framed steel bikes with big tires. they are slow to get moving, but the 40 lbs frames pick up momentum and cruise with a solid sense of confidence.

we headed around most of the central city which is connected by a network of pths that run between the road and the sidewalk. we peddled from snack to snack for the afternoon.

the only incident getting through traffic today happened when a gang of vespas came charging through the bike lane. I would not say they were intimidating but they definitely made staying on the path a tight fit.
aside from thebike lanes the city is connected by trams which run smooth fast and quiet around the city.

weefee

Today is day 3 in Amsterdam, and what a place. Deceivingly pint sized, the entire city seems to be made up of 20 cafes, 10 coffee shops and a heard of healthy looking but homicidial cyclysts.

We've been spending most of the days napping in the parks and walking along the canels. It is beautiful here, and with few cars it is busy without the noise and pollutions that comes with cities.

We have a few definite favourites here which include a chain of falafel shops called Maos (and pronounced by Brits as May-Oz) and a mini-mart stocked floor to ceiling wtih wine and chocolate.

The most disconcerting thing has been the birds that swim in the canel that we have dubbed death ducks. They are black with a white face and beak. They have monstrous green feet and while they do not attack us, they are at very least passive agressive about their desire to take croissants off our hands.

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street panties

street panties... I see you in every city, but you are always lacy, racy and out of place. did you fall out of a laundry bag? or did something much more scandolous happen?

a tantalizing mystery.

today was our last day in paris and it poured again. we headed to the louvre for the morning and walked through acres of egyptian objects. we briefly dabbled with the renaissance paintings but it was a zoo so we said hello to mona and left.

we spent the afternoon at the picasso museum which was queit perhaps in part due to it hidden placement. finally we went to the pompadeu and looked at beautifully designed household items priced impossibly high.

tomorrow we are off to amsterdam. a word to the wise... the eurail pass is pretty loaded with fine print which is making life more complicated and expensive than we had anticipated.

city of lights, city of naps

paris so far has been largely sleeping and eating. we got up at noon today and walked most of the cental sights including the arc, champs elysee, eiffel tower, louvre and touleries.

every euro car company plus toyota had a building rented on the ce touting green concepts and racing heritage. the highlight was a citroen that looked like a racing 2 door wagon. also there were ample massauge chairs.

it was a bit rainy but we made it through.

tomorrow we are back to the louvre and prowling on bikes.

drag me to heck

We are on our way as of 6 this morning. one sad little buddy holly fuck plane ride to jfk followed by a 8 hour layover. we killd time at the movies in queens. at first it was annoying to have two moviesin a row narrated by teenagers but it grew on us and certainly added to the enjoyment of "the hangover". we are now on the tarmac headed for paris hoping for sleep or at least a movie that is not marley and me.

count down

so we have a week until we leave. most of the trip is still not planned but transport is thankfully official. it is lways so hard to follow through the final step of any process and I hope winging it on this one is ok. at least we are both all set for diseases. lots of shots and pills have been in our last week and not in a trainspotting way.

qwerty

this blog will serve as my travel diary in the next few months. may keep it going... may feel too self absorbed.

it will be kept from a wee pain in the ass keyboard on a wifi enabled phone that is coming with meg and I. hence the bad spelling etc. the bpcontent is still my fault.