It’s been almost four weeks since I changed the direction of my life and it’s been gut wrenching. How do I apologize for doing something I had to do? How do I move on? Like a bad trip that won’t end, the time I’ve been apart from Meg has felt both compressed and eternal. There is no up. There is no down. There is no gravity. I am lost and the Blair Witch is chasing me.
Holy fucking metaphors.
As with most things is my life, the pathway to healing has been fraught with contradictions. I’ve been on my bike or in the gym every day. I’ve also been fighting battles with my liquor cabinet that leave no winners and no survivors.
The sun still manages to show its face everyday though. Works been great and the project I am managing starting to get real traction. I’ve been meeting people and spending more time with old friends.
I just can’t shake the feeling of dread that this is the new normal, that she’ll find someone better than me, that it was all my fault, that I wasted three years of my life and that I’ll be alone forever.
just part of the process - i think we all go through these post-breakup anxiety moments but all you can do is look forward for the time being.
ReplyDeletethree years is nothing in the grand scheme of things and it's never a waste, it's an experience.
also i'd like to point out that you always have a place to crash in london (not an empty offer!)