Thoughts on Completing 12 Weeks of Crossfit

For a number of reasons, I've taken a little while away from the intertubes (or at least blogging). The election got too scary after the first debate to be funny and some last days of sunshine took precedent over spewing incoherent non-sense into the void.

The election is over.

The sun is gone forever (or at least May, assuming the Mayans are wrong).

 Please forgive me for being a bit extra self indulgent and intellectually light today.

In mid September, I started Crossfit with Meg out of a feeling that if I did not do something radical to change my habits that they were going to kill me. Not in a dramatic way mind you, but something slow and sad brought on through diabetes, emphysema and liver disease. I got winded on one flight of stairs. I was 214lbs. A six pack every night was an unnoticed part of my routine.

The last picture taken before I started class. Please take note of the beautiful man titties

Jump Start brought about immediate changes. For the first month, I adhered very strictly to Paleo to the frustration of many. I went to classes twice a week which I augmented with nightly runs and walks of 2-6 miles. By the third week, I had lost 24 lbs, and transitioned 6-10 additional lbs from fat to muscle. It was a revelation.

As the second month began, I started taking harder classes and going three times a week (MWF). The classes for these last 8 weeks have been block programming focused on building essential skills and strength. The experience is very different from my Jump Start class both in the level of difficulty and in the level of commitment from other students. There is a sense of shared motivation and suffering in these classes that builds a community. While my weight has  stabilized, I am seeing significant changes in my body both in size and strength.

Where them titties go?

Where I am struggling is maintaining a commitment to Paleo. After the first month, I started letting myself have treats on Saturday. By the end of the 6th week, I was finding that my "cheating" had made an incursion into weekdays, and that I was only following strict Paleo about 3 days a week. Now will come the challenge of re-igniting my motivation to shop, prep, cook and eat foods that are better for me.

For three years I had built a "balanced life" where self-indulgence was on one side of the scale, and money was on the other. I told myself that as long a I had a good job, the rest would sort itself out. 12 weeks ago, I added crossfit to this balance, and changed the way that I think about almost everything.

First Week of Crossfit: A Reflection on Man Titties

After a full year of denial and half-hearted action, I think I may in fact be beginning a road back to finding myself in better shape and better control of my life. When I left Boston, I weighed in at 175lbs. Within 2 months of moving to Portland, I found myself cracking the scale above 200lbs. with a winter high of 210lbs seen in January.

Needless to say this has caused some alarm on the part of friends and family which has taken any number of different forms. Meg, who has done her best to keep a sense of humor about it is somewhat put off by my new found girth and ample bosom. My mother has expressed genuine alarm. Friends who I ski and bike with have been dismayed to find me no longer in good enough shape to keep up on rides or hikes into the back country. Certain semi friends of mine have a disconcerting habit of grabbing at my ample man-breasts.

I feel like shit about it. Almost every other part of my life since moving here has gone well, and in most ways it is safe to say that I feel like I am back on the road to being who I want to be. That said, it's hard to feel good about any of that when looking in the mirror brings a sense of shame.

So what now?

For my 27th, Meg purchased us both a ramp up course at Crossfit Portland a few blocks away. After a year of being resistant to trying Crossfit and the associated Paleo diet, I have put down my skepticism and am trying to jump in with both feet and try it.

The first two classes have been tough, but interesting enough to keep me engaged and wanting to go back. I will not rattle on about squats and burpees - sufficed to say it's work.

As for the Paleo stuff... I'm having a harder time embracing it, but doing my best to adhere to it fully for a month. So far this has meant living of veggies, a little bit of fruit and a generous portion of organic meat for lunch and dinner. Gone is the hard booze, beer, bread, deli meat, hummus, beans, burritos, rice and cheese that have been my go-tos for deliciousness for so long. Having long thought vegans were a bit absurd for avoiding animal products religiously - I can tell you that I am currently feeling pretty foolish myself loading my plate with meat.

So far I have not lost weight, but at least my titties seem to be down a cup size.

Additionally, I have to say that so far I feel great. I'm not sure if it's what I've cut out, what I've started eating, the exercise itself or some combination there of; but I do know that (moobs aside) this feels like a stride in the right direction. So far I've found myself sleeping better, more alert at work and more energetic.

I can't say yet whether this is going to be a long term commitment for me yet, but it certainly feels like a big first step in the right direction.