Transformers 2: Things Transform

From time to time I worry that I am kind of a joyless douche. I mean, I’ve taken 2 film classes,watch maybe 2 movies a week, yet somehow I have a smug sense of entitlement to shit on movies and music that many, many people enjoy without a shred of self-conscious irony.

I know that my taste and my preferences and unduly influenced because of the Curios Case of Benjamin Button. Having read no reviews, and being the first among my friends to see it I enjoyed it. I didn’t think it was great, I saw the Forrest Gump parallels, but I liked it. When I watched TCCOBB I had a rare personal glimpse into the perspective most movie goers have – an untainted chance to decide for themselves whether or not they have been entertained or wasted hours of their life.

It is with this in mind that I made a good faith effort to watch Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen with two people who were genuinely excited to see it and one person who had already seen it three times. As part of this good faith effort I had no choice but to get wrecked; as a result there may be some small gaps in my recollection.

I fucking hate this movie. It is absurd. It is insulting. It is almost three hours long. It is racist. It lingers on robot testicles for what seems like days. Worst of all, half of its fucking running time is dedicated to things transforming.

The movie opens following up pretty much exactly where the last one left off. Che TheBeef is being sent off to college an

Seriously fuck this.

This movie is an abomination against man, god and machine. Never watch it. Or the third own, which this movie goes out of its way to setup.

I leave you with transformer balls.